Judge Porter nodded, like he’d heard crazy before. “Alright. Miss Jones. Your turn.”
Michelle exhaled slowly. “Everything she’s saying is the opposite,” she said. “I was in the parking lot. I hadn’t even gotten in my car yet to leave. She became upset because I didn’t put my shopping cart back. She started yelling at me. Then she rammed her cart into my car.”
Linda jerked forward. “She is lying!”
Judge Porter lifted his hand again, firmer this time. “I’ll manage this. Miss Jones, you said you have video?”
“Yes,” Michelle said, and her voice steadied because the video was the one thing in this whole mess that didn’t care about who talked louder. “I recorded it on my phone.”
Judge Porter nodded once. “Let’s see it.”
Michelle reached into her folder, pulled out her phone, and walked it up like it was evidence in a murder trial. Because to Linda, apparently, it was.
Judge Porter watched the screen without expression. The courtroom held its breath.
The video showed a grocery store parking lot on a bright afternoon. Michelle’s sedan was parked in a stall, trunk open. You could hear grocery bags rustling, a distant cart rattling, and then—Linda’s voice, sharp and righteous, cutting through the air:
“Put your cart back!”
Then Michelle’s voice, strained and exhausted: “Mind your business.”
And then Linda, furious like she’d been insulted personally by modern civilization, shoved her shopping cart directly into the back of Michelle’s car.
Not once.
More than once.
The cart slammed the bumper with a hollow crunch. Then again. Then again, as Linda pushed and yanked like she was trying to punish the vehicle for existing.
Michelle’s trunk lid shook with every hit.
Judge Porter paused the video.
He looked up at Linda.
“Ma’am,” he said carefully, “what I’m seeing… is your cart hitting her car. Her car appears stationary. Not moving.”
Linda’s face turned red. “She edited it,” she blurted. “Movie magic. I don’t know how she did it, but she did something.”
Judge Porter stared at her like she’d just tried to tell him the moon was a government drone. “Movie magic.”
“I know what my eye saw,” Linda insisted, voice rising. “Sometimes depending on the angle—”
Judge Porter cut in, calm but steel underneath. “I know what my eye saw too, ma’am.”
Linda opened her mouth again.
Judge Porter held up a finger. “One second. Miss Jones, your countersuit is for five thousand five hundred dollars for damages. What damage occurred?”
Michelle swallowed. “My bumper folded in. The trunk wouldn’t shut right for days. I had to tie it down with bungee cords just to drive. I missed work because I couldn’t risk it flying open on the highway. The estimate is fifty-five hundred.”
Judge Porter nodded. “And Miss Craraven, your seventy-five thousand dollars—is for what, exactly?”
Linda sat straighter. “Pain and suffering. Emotional distress. I was terrified. I have nightmares. I don’t go to that store anymore. I had to see my doctor.”
Michelle’s pulse kicked. Seventy-five thousand dollars because Linda got mad about a shopping cart.
Judge Porter leaned forward. “Ma’am, the car in this video is stationary. Miss Jones is outside the vehicle recording. You are the one moving. You are the one striking her property repeatedly.”
Linda shook her head hard. “No. No, she backed into me. She was trying to kill me.”
Judge Porter blinked. “So what you’re telling me is… her car backed into your cart… while she was outside the car filming.”
Linda’s eyes widened like she realized how ridiculous it sounded and decided to double down anyway. “Yes. Yes. That’s what happened.”
Judge Porter leaned back and rubbed his forehead like he needed a second to keep his sanity intact.
“Ma’am,” he said finally, “do you know what the word ‘stationary’ means?”
“Yes,” Linda snapped. “Yes, I do.”
“Good,” Judge Porter said. “Because that car was stationary. The only thing not stationary was you.”
Linda sputtered. “You weren’t there!”
“No,” Judge Porter agreed, unbothered. “But the video was.”
Linda’s shoulders shook with indignation. “She could’ve doctored it. She could’ve had a friend filming. People do that. They set you up so they can sue you.”
Judge Porter’s eyes narrowed. “Now you’re saying there was another person involved.”
“Maybe,” Linda said, wild now. “Maybe they do this all the time.”
Michelle stared at her. It was like watching someone slide down a hill and insist they were climbing.
Judge Porter looked at Michelle. “Did you have anyone with you?”
“No,” Michelle said. “Just me. I filmed because she was yelling and I knew she’d try to twist it.”
Linda gasped like Michelle had just admitted to witchcraft.
Judge Porter’s gaze turned back to Linda. “Were you upset about her not putting the cart back?”
Linda hesitated. A beat too long.
Then she muttered, “It’s disrespectful.”
Judge Porter’s mouth twitched, like he almost laughed but chose the higher road. “Okay. It’s disrespectful. I get it. It irritates me too. People leave carts everywhere like it’s a personal hobby.”
A few people in the gallery chuckled quietly.
Linda latched onto it like a life raft. “Exactly! It’s rude! It only takes thirty seconds to put it away!”
Judge Porter nodded. “Alright. But why is that your business?”
Linda’s eyes narrowed. “Because it affects everyone.”
“And because it affects everyone,” Judge Porter said, “you decided to confront her.”
Linda lifted her chin. “Someone had to.”
Judge Porter’s voice stayed calm. “And when the confrontation didn’t go how you wanted—when she told you to mind your business—you got offended.”
Linda bristled. “I did not—”
“You got offended,” Judge Porter repeated, steady. “And then you retaliated by ramming her car with a shopping cart. Multiple times.”
Linda’s voice went high. “I was defending myself!”
Judge Porter held her gaze. “Defending yourself against what?”
“Her car!” Linda shouted. “She tried to run me over!”
Judge Porter’s tone didn’t change, but something in the room did. The patience was getting thin.
“Ma’am,” he said, “she did not try to kill you. She was standing outside the vehicle. The car was stationary.”
Linda’s face twisted like she was physically allergic to reality. “So you’re saying if someone comes at me, I can’t defend myself?”
“I’m saying,” Judge Porter replied, “that you don’t get to damage someone’s property because you’re mad about a shopping cart.”
Linda shook her head violently. “This is ridiculous—”
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